Love Is A Verb ... 2.


The thoughts about what love is are many and varied and all these differing views are 'right' for those who have them. Most of the conflict, disenchantment  and pain that so many people associate with the popular conceptions of  'romantic' love are a direct result of  the inability of those concerned to accept that the other party's views are just as valid as their own. 
All of these conflicts would be totally un-necessary if everybody was completely open and honest about what they were prepared to bring to and accept from a relationship. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Almost everyone has their own expectations of how their partner will behave toward them. Conflict arises when those expectations, often unspoken, are not met.
The problem with expectations is that, by having those expectations, you are placing demands, spoken or unspoken, on how the other person ought to behave and live. If they were to live up to those demands (assuming that they knew what the demands were), they would most likely not be being themselves. We do not have the right, in a relationship or out of it, to DEMAND anything of anybody. All we can really do is to take what others may give us and give what we can in return. 
For this approach to work, it is necessary for both partners to go into a relationship openly and honestly, WITHOUT expectations, and prepared to accept what the other is willing to give and give all that they can without surrender of personal principles. If one partner then finds that a need is not being met and the other partner is unable or unwilling to meet that need, it ought to be possible to negotiate guidelines to have the need met outside the relationship -- within reason.
There are probably too many versions of how we ought to live our lives being bandied about (says me, giving another one) on the same principle as too many cooks spoiling the broth. If you try to look at all of them, confusion is the most likely end result. It does help though, to know that it is impossible to make a mistake. Whatever you choose is RIGHT for you at that time to let you learn some lesson or lessons from that situation. Even a person choosing to go into a relationship where they will be subject to violence is not making a 'mistake' in the greater scheme of things. There are lessons to be learned from such situations -- like 'the best part about bashing your head against a wall is how nice it feels when you stop'. I personally would not wish such a lesson on anybody, but people keep choosing these situations so there must be something there for them to learn.         
Love 3.
Read on.